Checking for Nothing
Have you noticed how you check your phone even when you know there’s nothing there to see? Just out of habit.
There’s a study from 2013, where researchers sat pairs of strangers down for a ten-minute conversation. For half of them, a phone rested quietly nearby, untouched. The pairs who talked with a phone in view reported feeling less connected to each other afterward, even though nobody so much as glanced at it. Its presence alone seemed to change something. Later attempts to repeat the study didn’t always find the same effect but something about it still rings true to me.
This summer I’ve noticed a real shift, online and among my friends. People talking openly about stepping back. Putting the phone away for a weekend, a trip, sometimes just an evening. I genuinely love this trend.
Full transparency though, I haven’t done a proper digital detox this summer. But what i do do without: when it’s family time, the phone goes away completely. Because I’ve noticed I simply cannot be as present with it near me.
I’m curious what this looks like for you. Have you tried stepping back this summer? What actually helped and what didn’t? I’d love to hear it.
A few things worth knowing, and a few small things worth trying.
Not all phone time is equal. Researchers have found it’s less about how many minutes you spend and more about how you spend them. Passive use, scrolling and reading without replying, posting or interacting, tends to track with a flatter mood afterward. Active use, actually messaging someone, replying, being part of something, doesn’t carry the same weight. What seems to explain the gap, more than anything else is comparison.
A few small ways to put it down this week, none of which require deleting anything:
Leave your phone in another room during dinner. Notice how often your hand still reaches for it when the conversation slows down.
Take a walk without headphones. Resist filling every quiet moment and see where your mind actually goes when you let it.
Swap the evening scroll for something with your hands. Ten pages of a book. A puzzle. Writing down the one thought that’s been following you around all day.
None of this is about rejecting technology. It’s about choosing where your attention goes, instead of letting it be chosen for you.
It’s the opposite of a quick dopamine hit, which is exactly why it’s harder. Especially on the days you’re tired, when the phone is right there and everything else takes more effort. It tends to pay off though in a way scrolling never quite does.
You can also talk to MoMo about anything that has been coming up in those quiet moments. <3